9) You try channeling Allah and all you get is a busy signal.
8) Your newest wife needs something stronger than Pepsi and milk to come to your compound.
7) Your loyal courier stops bringing the infidels’ dye for your beard and Satan’s blue pills.
6) You spend your free time watching Donald Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice” on satellite television and cry out, “You are fired infidel!”
5) Even smoking the infidels’ Satan weed can not make you forget that Steven Tyler, and not you, is a judge on American Idol. You shout at the tv, “that infidel does not even have a beard!”
4) The only chemical weapon you have left comes from eating chili beans and drinking goat milk.
3) Speaking of your goats, your favorite goat wanders off, leaving you broken hearted and writing bad poetry.
2) You hear the whirl of helicopters in the air.
1) You suddenly have a little red dot on your head, courtesy of the United States Navy Seals.